Life is too short. Instead of accumulating material stuff, start creating memories.
When we die we don’t sit up in the afterlife and say, ‘Hey, I loved my iPhone.’
We sit up in the afterlife and remember how wonderful our life was and how much we were loved.
Create memories, as at the end of the day you can’t take a suitcase full of stuff with you.
I have started creating memories and tell my family how much I love them every single day.
For those who have lost a loved one, they will be very familiar with Grieving.
Grieving is exhausting, energy zapping and sometimes overwhelming.
Grieving is very personal, physically and emotionally. We all grieve differently and at different stages.
For me it comes in waves. One minute I will be fine and the next minute I have a wave of sadness, start to cry and then it is over in a few seconds. I cannot control it, just like waves, these emotions hit me out of the blue.
I also have days where I feel extremely exhausted and my heart starts to hurt. I can feel very flat, sad and cry at the drop of a hat and ask a lot of questions like, why did you have to leave me so soon?
Sometimes this feeling for me is very short and sometimes it hangs around for a few days.
Physically I get a migraine that won’t let up and feel very tired and couldn’t be bothered doing anything. Motivation is non existent.
My personal experience is to just let it happen and go with the flow, as I cannot control it.
We all grieve, its natural and human and I just let it be.
Over the past few weeks I have been receiving memory flashes. These memories are being played out in my mind like a movie. The memories are from when Paul spent months in hospital and I would be visiting him every day and night.
I asked Paul in one of our conversations why I was receiving these memories. Why would I want to remember that time in our journey. It was intense, emotional, exhausting and devastating.
Paul explained that it was apart of his healing process and that he wanted to ensure that all those months of being in hospital were understood and healed, being grateful for the journey and the lessons learnt.
These memories continue and I asked him again about why am I still seeing these memories. Paul explained that now he is going through the healing process from my prospective and reliving what I went through. As we both go on this journey together we are healing, moving forward.
Throughout all these memory flashes, I also receive the beautiful memories and feelings of when we first met and still sharing that with Paul is priceless. The feeling of his love overwhelming and cherished.
Not long after our conversation, our song “unchained melody” came on the radio.
You cannot make this stuff up!
At a recent function, a person that I had just met came up to me and suggested that they could help me with my emotional grief. I advised them that I was fine and didn’t require any treatment or assistance.
We were offered counselling after my husband Paul’s death, but I didn’t take it up. I grieved with Paul as we went on his final journey.
I see my grief now as being human, it is part of my uniqueness. It is OK for each of us to be sad & cry, it is apart of life. I feel as though if I don’t feel any emotion then I would be seeking help.
Every single one of us is different and manages grief in different ways, at different stages and different times.
There are many of us in specialist fields that know they can help others, but it might be a good idea to step back first and ask the person if they are doing well and if there is anything that you could help them with?
We all mean well but sometimes its getting the message across in a compassionate and empathetic manner without being insensitive.
My business, speaking engagements and workshops are very personal and emotional and if I am not genuine or unique, how can I help others?
It has been very exciting and rewarding sending out copies of the new book Conversations with Paul and waiting for feedback.
Here are some initial comments from readers of the book Conversations with Paul.
An amazing book Michelle. I can’t read it all at once. It is so intense in experiencing what you all went through – I am reading each stage at a time. So well written but so emotional. A true tale of what these conditions take from a family as they deal day to day. X – Lynne
Just finished reading your book Michelle. Couldn’t put it down & read it in a few days. Congratulations on your effort, you truly conveyed everything that you & Paul & the family experienced in what must have been an emotional roller coaster ride. – John
The day after Paul had passed away; I took Ollie Doggle for a walk and started talking to Paul. It was a beautiful sunny morning and I looked up at the sky and said good morning darling how are you? And from then on my conversations with Paul continued only this time from the other side.
One of our conversations after he died, I asked why did he choose the life he did? Why did he decide to leave so early in this lifetime? His response was when he planned this life, he didn’t realise how wonderful it was going to be especially when he met me. He had already chosen the life he wanted to live and the experiences, why he chose what he did I have no idea. But I do know that if he hadn’t experienced his journey and I hadn’t been beside him this book would have never eventuated and I wouldn’t be able to follow through with my purpose.
See everything has a reason for happening, it may not make sense at the time but eventually the penny will drop and you will get that light bulb moment and say yes now I understand.
When Paul was given the news he had months to live, after the devastating news and the reality set in, he started planning.
He also started discussing death and what happens after you die.
Weeks leading up to his death he said “I wonder what happens after you die and what if there is nothing there.” I replied, Darling, and what if there is, how wonderful would that be. I would be able to talk to you and you could come and haunt me!
Since his death we continue to have conversations, so no doubt I must have been right (Paul would laugh at this, as he said I thought I was always right).
It is the believing that there is something there that makes it more magical and less daunting.
We continue to be connected energetically. I hear him talk to me in thought form and I can feel him around me. He has a beautiful loving energy that is very soft.
I believe, do you?
My Husband Paul was diagnosed terminally ill with a rare aggressive melanoma with months to live in January 2016.
So how does someone fit and healthy end up terminally ill at 60 years of age?
The answer is I don’t know. Who knows when there number is up? We wander through life not thinking anything major will happen to us and then bang, your life is turned upside down. What you thought was a normal life can change within a matter of seconds.
We don’t go through life thinking when we will get sick or have cancer or even die. We are too busy living, raising families, working to even think the worst.
And even when you know you are terminal and going through the journey you still have a false sense of security until the very end. You often wish for hope thinking that there will be a cure or you will live on, survive but is not the case.
When it is time to go, then it’s time.
Death is final.
How do we know when we have met the right person?
For me when I met Paul it was instant attraction. Over the years as our love grew we became closer to the point that we became one.
We were very good mates, friends from the beginning and just continued to grow from there.
I felt at ease and could tell him anything and everything and we talked to each other to all hours, night and day. The connection between the two of us was electric and we couldn’t get any closer, Paul was my soul mate.
Over the years we found strength, tenderness and compassion in equal measures more recently, deepening our admiration and respect for each other.
Some inside thoughts are:
We were fortunate enough to film Paul before his untimely death and he offered some words of wisdom about life.
He was asked was there any words of wisdom. Paul’s response was, well you got to live life to the fullest and be caring. Sometimes it is better off to bite your tongue and count to 10 and breathe before diving in and having an argument. Don’t have to argue but compromise and care about what the other person wants. Think what you are going to say before you say it. Take a step backwards and think about it rather than having a blue over the issue.
He was asked if he had enjoyed his life so far. Paul’s response was that he was lucky, he had a good family and Michelle (wife) was an excellent part of his life & was spectacular.
He was asked about any highlights. Paul responded by saying that having his kids and when they were born and arrived healthy. Getting to marry Michelle (wife) and having a relationship is spectacular and was lucky as a lot of people don’t get to experience a relationship like that.
He was asked if he would change anything. Paul responded by saying, that there is always something that you would change but only some of the massive disasters, but in some way if you didn’t end up in that disaster you wouldn’t have experienced certain things in which perhaps you had to go through in life.
Paul was very wise and brave